The New Rules: The Right Person Myth

The weekend started off with a BANG!The Grind is kicking off a new series - New Rules for Marriage, Family, and Life. Today's topic: The Right Person Myth.

Two things were stated up front:

1. This series is for any body that wants to stay together "till death do us part." If you are not truly vested in this or simply going through the motions, no one will benefit
2. This series is based on a pastoral discussion around "what do you wish you knew before you got married?"  This is looking at relational issues prior to marriage...that carry over

Much was said and many points were made around this mythical "right" person. We all laughed and thought back to those moments when we said, "You don't understand! No one has EVER loved me like this...and I have never loved any one more! You just don't get it!"  Ah, to be young and feel love's keen sting. We explored how most view marriage troubles today; that we do maintenance on the institution of marriage instead of fixing the relationship. An underlying theme through this was your present will be your past and will be present in your future. I take this as meaning, "If your junk was broke before you got married, your junk is gonna be broke after you marry."

It is true that so many people today think that the magic ring will change everything. If she parties with her friends now, she will when she's married. If he is drinking with his buddies at the bar today, I know where to find him the weekend after the ceremony. If she spends every holiday with her family, then she is expecting to be there Thanksgiving and you better be happy about it. If neither of you were good at relationships before you got married....well, you better stay for this whole series.

The closing of the class tied it all together with some practical home work. We all have a card to reference during our date night. This will be awesome.

1COR 13:4 -7 Oh man I love this passage! It was read at our wedding - how very appropriate yet cliche. Perfect. When we looked over this, Nelly and I laughed. To give you a couple of examples, here are 2 quick looks at us:

DURING CLASS
Jessie Prince to the class: You shouldn't do anything that brings shame to you, your spouse, or your family
Nelly whispering to me: Eeeeee...you're blog [not this one, but my personal ridiculousness]

ON THE DRIVE HOME
Nelly: I still need to see the directory picture of the co-worker you're traveling with this week.
Me: Nelly, love doesn't envy. So I'm going to be patient while you work on it. How very kind of me. And, I'm not going to ask for a high-five because love shouldn't be boastful. Can you please give me my card so I can mark off some stuff? Man, this is gonna be EASY!

JP said it best with this one line - it's about becoming one.  I pray that each couple works on being the spouse that God has called us to be. By being faithful to God and making some changes internally, our relationship with our spouse will grow strong.

So What's Next... (review of Sunday, Aug 21)

I didn't make it to The Grind on Saturday, but I showed up bright and early on Sunday morning! Though I wanted to attend the "Bob Good Seminar," I really needed to hear Jessie Prince's message today.

The over-all topic was "What to do when you've grown stagnant with your walk with Christ," or in other words, "So What's Next?"

JP spoke with conviction and fire while hitting 6 main points:

1. You are never so far gone that you can't find what God has for you
2. You must begin doing the things of God
3. Take time for humble soul searching
4. Learn what God said for sure
5. Don't be blind-sided by spiritual struggles
6. If you allow it, God will strengthen you during the down times

This message was full of awesome sound bites...it would behoove me to mediate upon some:

• His Will does not take you out of bounds
• God's grace is sufficient for EVERY circumstance
• We tend to focus on the end-game and forget the steps it takes to get the victory
• God will reassure you if you give him time to
• People are strategically placed in our lives
• If prayer doesn't change the circumstance, it will for sure change you

Even outside of the context, the above "blurbs" carry weight. Yeah, The Prince did awesome today.

2 of the pieces that really jumped at me:

"Take Time for Humble Soul Searching" - wowzers! So, I have been doing a little digging lately...but when I walked out of the darkness and saw the blinding light of my inadequacies and faults...well that just hurt. To be honest, I know that I need to change. I need do better in every facet of my life. I have a short list of things to hit quickly then a long list of "fixer-upper" work that I have to do on the inside.  Have I ever told you how thankful I am that we serve a forgiving God? Without his grace, I would be crushed.

"If You Allow it, God will Strengthen You During Down Times" - when this is over, I should be roughly the size of the Incredible Hulk. I'm sure most of us have heard the story of the man pushing the rock. If not, here is a VERY quick recap: A sick, weakly man was praying when God spoke to him. God told him to go outside where he would see a massive boulder. Every day and every night the man was to push this rock. Every day and every night the man did so. For days, then weeks, then months - he pushed with all his might all day and all night; only resting to eat and sleep. One day the man begins to doubt God and the devil arrives. The devil tells the man, 'Your God has told you to push this rock and you have done so every day for months...yet the rock has not moved. If you bow down to me, I will give you the strength to crush this rock!' The man considers this but does not give in. Instead he prays to God and asks 'why?'  He tells God, 'I have pushed on this rock day and night, yet it has not moved...not even 1 inch! Why have you sent me on this impossible task of moving this rock?'  To that God replies, 'I never asked you to move the rock. I asked that you push the rock. You have done so. Day and night, only resting to eat and sleep. Now look at yourself. You are stronger than you have ever been. your arms, back, chest, and legs are hard with muscle.'

When we go through our struggles, it is so that we can learn something and grow spiritually. God does not give us more than we can handle. This does not mean we will not hit low points. It's then that we should be holding onto God's words and know that we will be stronger when we have come through.

Please feel free to share some of what you learned or thought about this weekends class.

The Way to Live: Pop Quiz

What a great weekend! The temperature has dropped. It rained. AND, after weeks of vocal rest, Jessie Prince returned to lead the class (with a fresh haircut).

Deviating from his planned outline, he hit the class with a pop quiz.

These questions were on his heart:

1. What are the dangers of success?
2. What are practical ways to build a life of significance?
3. What role does the church play in significance?

This was a group exercise, but I have never been one to speak for others. So....here are my answers :)

1. Most people mentioned that we forget God when we're doing well. We tend to believe we've succeeded all on our own - with no one's help. I agree that it's a dangerous path to forget that without God, we would not have the ability or capacity to truly succeed. My first thought around this question was different. The first thing that hit me was, "People fall into an apathetic state of mind i.e. I've reached my goal so now I can sit here and take it easy." I don't mean this in the business sense of not having a drive to succeed. I didn't even think about work or money when it came to "success". I think that if we rest in our spot (where ever or however we define success), we aren't open to doing what God is calling us to do. We are missing out on blessing others if we aren't moved to fulfill God's plan in our lives.

2. This was the highlight of the class for my group! I got to tell my Chuck Norris story. Carlos Ray Norris, 6 time Karate champ, film icon, and Walker, Texas Ranger - a real man's man. I had seen a documentary on him years ago. The one thing that I remember was a very short clip of his mom: she would pray over him every night - that the world would see God's Glory and Might in all that he did; in all of his accomplishments that he would never forget the One that deserved thanks and praise. That has stuck with me for years and it is how I pray over my children. I think that a practical way to build significance it to pray.  Pray for others.

3. I could write a book on this last one...but I'll just give a few examples. When Nelly was in the hospital for a week, it was our church family that stepped up. My kids quote scripture and tell each other bible stories. My best friends are all from GOC. I've been allowed to write this awesome blog for our class. In short, the church's level of significance is seen in assistance/teachings/relationships/community/volunteering.

Thanks to JP for the chance to look inwards. Thanks to Julian for the lesson plan that we didn't use.

See you all this weekend!

Lessons From the Brooks Family

The Brooks Kids are in the HOUSE! Actually, they played to a packed "house" - I assume we all showed up to hear gossip about Pastor Gerald and Mrs. Geni. That didn't happen, but...Wendi, Kayci, and Cody did share what they've learned from their parents about marriage.

In a round-robin fashion, the "kids" all took turns explaining Biblical virtues of marriage and how they've seen this in action while observing "mom n dad."

There was a vast list, but this is what I was able to scribble during the presentation:

• Modeling Christ's love
• Honoring each other in words and actions
• Be a generous giver
• Consistency is key
• Pray together
• Share purpose
• Compromise

When I first thought about this post, I had started to think back on some of what I learned from my parents. I was going to write out a list and 1-liners, then I thought, "what are my kids going to say about Nelly and me?"

Nelly is quick-witted and I'm generally ridiculous - this is perfect because we love to laugh. That's the piece of us that the world sees. We connect at a much deeper level. We are Cleopatra and Mark Anthony. Lancelot and Guinevere. Paris and Helen. Wait a minute! Those are all "adulterous" relationships!  Better said: I'm Rocky and Nelly is my Adrian. I pray that my children understand how very much in love we are and that with God first, all things are possible.

One of the lessons that Kayci mentioned was "going the extra mile," or the way that Mrs. Geni likes to say, "putting an umbrella in it." This is a simple yet powerful way of showing your spouse how much you truly care. It's easy to get your honey a glass of water, but putting a little umbrella in there shows that you care to make them feel special.

Check this out:

Now...Did Kayci have to get me this can-o-lays? No. Does she know that BBQ are my favorite flavor? No. Did she have to write me a sweet note and add an umbrella? Absolutely not! And she didn't...this is a pic that I got from young pastor Jessie. He sent it to 1-up me.

Kayci is putting into action what her parents modeled. We'd like to hear stories or see pics of how you "put an umbrella in it" for your spouse or how he/she did that for you. We'd also like to hear any general thoughts/comments on this class.

Let's keep the discussion going.