What TV Teaches Us About Marriage: Home Improvement

We continued our series of what TV has taught us over the years regarding marriage. This week was Tim Allen's Home Improvement. This was a funny TV show that centered around the foolishness of the husband/father and the common-sense of the wife/mother.

The meat-and-potatoes of the class was focused on Mutual Faith. This would seem to be common-sense and even common-place, but this may not be true for many of us. While going over a quick exercise, Nelly and I found some differences in what we find important in regards to our walk.

The class demonstrated 2 ways marriage can be like our relationship with God:

• Faithfulness
• Forgiveness

We also went over steps to get marriage spirituality in synch:

• Respect your partner
• Recognize your shared values
• Pray for your partner

The piece that I most enjoyed was a simple question: Are there certain ways you have discovered to use your partner's gifts to over-come your weakness?

This really spoke to me. One of Nelly's greatest strengths is her compassion. She truly has a heart that is wrapped in caring - so much so that she takes on too much at times. She is always there to remind me of what is truly important. This is not to say that I'm a heartless grinch, only that it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and small, yet important, things can slip. She is always there with a gentle reminder for me.

Another part of the class that was thought-provoking was the talk of "wives submit to your husband." Nelly and I went to the "Love and Respect" seminar and it was a game changer. There is much to be said about submission, and one of my friends has written a great post. She is a believer, a great writer, and a great person. This is her post on "Why I am a Submissive Wife."

It really is  a great read and what better way to hear it than from a wife walking with Christ?

Praying for us all. Hope to see you next week!

What TV Teaches Us About Marriage: The Cosby Show

I remember this series when it was actually on air - maaaaaan that was a long time ago! That's when TV was clean and sweaters were all the rage. I may have had a stylish haircut to accent my acid-washed jeans back then too.

Cliff and Clair Huxtable had a great family and all problems were remedied with humor. Great times! Here are the things that "The Cosby Show" taught us about marriage:

• You can get away with anything if you know how to tell a good joke
• You can teach every child in the house a lesson every week and still be fun to live with
• Kids will always create problems

How nice if this mirrored reality....but our lives our not a sitcom.

This week we  dug into conflict - managing and resolving it. We also discussed how conflict can add to intimacy while being careful to not let it destroy the relationship.  This is a thin line, but is possible.

Conflict resolution is something that Nelly and I take very seriously - I know, hard to believe that we take anything seriously. To think that we will not argue in our married lives is foolish. We are human and that means we will make mistakes. We will not purposely hurt our spouse or step out of line, but it is bound to happen. To combat this, we had to "Learn How to Fight."

I had written on this a while back and welcome you to see how we go about resolving conflict in our marriage: Rules of Engagement

Can't wait to see you all next week. Stay strong through the week and remember to use the tools outlined in class to minimize conflict in your marriage.

What TV Teaches Us about Marriage: Everybody Loves Raymond

New haircut. New shoes. New series. The young pastor maybe on to something...

I really enjoyed this week's lesson and am looking forward to the series. A twist on one of the funniest sitcoms to hit the airwaves; Everybody Loves Raymond was used to explore possible views of marriage based on TV shows.  With some tongue-in-cheek, we hit a few points off the bat:

• Husbands are ALWAYS in trouble
• Wives are ALWAYS very sensible
• Parents of married couples are ALWAYS wacky
• There is no problem that can't be solved in 30 minutes

After going over the above list, I wondered if the writers were genius or just had a hidden camera in my house. The list states, simply, the entire basis  of the TV series. If you have seen any episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, it's easy to draw some comparisons to your own marriage.

Maybe we would like to believe that Everybody Loves Raymond can be our life - the crazy family, the loving wife, the foolish husband, the great kids...and we can solve our issues in 30 minutes. The truth is that God's clock is not our clock; we may need to be patient and work through issues over days, weeks, and maybe months.

The show is fun and is maybe a caricature of what our marriage is; but not what it is intended to be.

Diving further into where we should be, we hit the "Love Triangle." Now don't be worried...I too thought that this was going to take a turn that we didn't want to discuss...especially in church! The Love Triangle is a concept where 3 sides of equal importance make up a marriage: Passion (biological), Intimacy (emotional), and Commitment (super-glue of marriage).

The latter half of the class went over strong practical applications of keeping the flame lit. Of all the points made, I found the underlying message summed up in a single word: cultivate.

We hear this word from time-to-time and just add it to the bag of tricks, but I think it is much more than just a phrase. Any seminar on relationship will speak of "cultivating the marriage." We all nod and move on to the next point, rarely pausing and understanding what this truly means. A farmer cultivates land to raise crops. It means, to me, that there is a lot of planning, preparation, intention, and HARD work involved. To get the very best of what the ground can give, they need to be mindful of how it is used, study it, really know how to get the most of the soil to produce the best possible crops.

If I need to "cultivate a relationship based on passion, intimacy, and commitment," then I better be ready to go to battle. I should not take this lightly and fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants. I should intentionally make preparations, planning carefully, and executing wholehearted.

I pray that we all take advantage of the practical applications listed below to "Cultivate the Love Triangle:"

1. Passion:
1. Practice meaningful touch
2. Plan mutually enjoyable experiences
3. Compliment your spouse daily
2. Intimacy
1. Spend time together
2. Listen with a 3rd ear (not just the facts but the emotional tone of the message)
3. Focus on shared interests
3. Commitment
1. Value your commitment
2. Meet your partners needs
3. Prize your partner's promise