What TV Teaches Us about Marriage: Everybody Loves Raymond

New haircut. New shoes. New series. The young pastor maybe on to something...

I really enjoyed this week's lesson and am looking forward to the series. A twist on one of the funniest sitcoms to hit the airwaves; Everybody Loves Raymond was used to explore possible views of marriage based on TV shows.  With some tongue-in-cheek, we hit a few points off the bat:

• Husbands are ALWAYS in trouble
• Wives are ALWAYS very sensible
• Parents of married couples are ALWAYS wacky
• There is no problem that can't be solved in 30 minutes

After going over the above list, I wondered if the writers were genius or just had a hidden camera in my house. The list states, simply, the entire basis  of the TV series. If you have seen any episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, it's easy to draw some comparisons to your own marriage.

Maybe we would like to believe that Everybody Loves Raymond can be our life - the crazy family, the loving wife, the foolish husband, the great kids...and we can solve our issues in 30 minutes. The truth is that God's clock is not our clock; we may need to be patient and work through issues over days, weeks, and maybe months.

The show is fun and is maybe a caricature of what our marriage is; but not what it is intended to be.

Diving further into where we should be, we hit the "Love Triangle." Now don't be worried...I too thought that this was going to take a turn that we didn't want to discuss...especially in church! The Love Triangle is a concept where 3 sides of equal importance make up a marriage: Passion (biological), Intimacy (emotional), and Commitment (super-glue of marriage).

The latter half of the class went over strong practical applications of keeping the flame lit. Of all the points made, I found the underlying message summed up in a single word: cultivate.

We hear this word from time-to-time and just add it to the bag of tricks, but I think it is much more than just a phrase. Any seminar on relationship will speak of "cultivating the marriage." We all nod and move on to the next point, rarely pausing and understanding what this truly means. A farmer cultivates land to raise crops. It means, to me, that there is a lot of planning, preparation, intention, and HARD work involved. To get the very best of what the ground can give, they need to be mindful of how it is used, study it, really know how to get the most of the soil to produce the best possible crops.

If I need to "cultivate a relationship based on passion, intimacy, and commitment," then I better be ready to go to battle. I should not take this lightly and fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants. I should intentionally make preparations, planning carefully, and executing wholehearted.

I pray that we all take advantage of the practical applications listed below to "Cultivate the Love Triangle:"

1. Passion:
1. Practice meaningful touch
2. Plan mutually enjoyable experiences
3. Compliment your spouse daily
2. Intimacy
1. Spend time together
2. Listen with a 3rd ear (not just the facts but the emotional tone of the message)
3. Focus on shared interests
3. Commitment
1. Value your commitment
2. Meet your partners needs
3. Prize your partner's promise